How To Keep Yourself Safe

By Jamie McAfee

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We Teach People How to Treat Us
This may sound the most cliché statement that doesn’t really make sense, but let’s break it down. It basically means that the best time to lay down the law in the relationship is in the beginning. Successful couples know when they have stepped over the line and address it, instead of creating a boundary once someone has crossed it. Don’t be afraid to speak up. A respectful, solid person will respect your limits.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words
In relationships there are two things-what a person tells you and what a person shows you. If you’re just getting to know someone on the phone, through email, or from online dating you’re banking on words more than actions. The danger is that you can feel really close to someone who simply can’t live up to the description of themselves. The world is full of lazy, selfish people but who describes themselves as such? Spend some time observing what your romantic interest does. If you don’t like what you see, run for the hills.

Keep it Real
Fantasy is good and all but it can set you up for failure. Don’t come into the relationship with a hug sack of expectations. Someone can seem like your knight in shining armor only because you are wearing your knight in shining armor goggles. If someone seems too good to be true, they probably are. Stay sober literally and metaphorically so you can see who they really are.

Take it Slow
Real love takes time to grow. Let things progress slowly and naturally. You want to be apart of the relationship and its unfurling but you also what to be an objective observer noting quirks and habits about the person, and also how you feel when you’re around them. Safety is often an illusion and there’s no guarantee of it. Human beings can be pretty unpredictable. Be careful and take one step at a time.

Last, but not least…

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Trust in yourself that you’ll carefully select a good person. Trust in yourself that you’ll know when someone isn’t who they say they are. And trust in yourself that no matter what happens you will prevail!

 

Online Dating Dos and Don’ts

The world of dating can be brutal for those looking to settle down and build a life with someone. It is hard enough to find someone genuine and honest that you can trust, but when there are so many people out there, you never know what you will get. However, that doesn’t mean there is nothing you can do to help you weed out the bad ones. Whether you are dating online or meeting people in person, there are some things that are acceptable and others that you should completely steer clear of doing if you want to find that perfect person.

Here are some dos and don’ts for online dating!

 

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Don’t reveal too much about yourself

Not revealing too much about yourself is just as important online as it is when in person. Seeing as how pretty much all of the people you will run into online will be strangers, you don’t want to go giving out your address, phone number, social security and underwear size. It is okay for people to know things about you, but limit what you tell people about yourself, so they can’t use it against you in any way. Identities are stolen everyday and surely don’t want to be added to list of victims.

Do give people a good sense of who you are

When dating online, you want to give people a good sense of who you are and what you are looking for in a partner. Let people know your likes and dislikes, but focus on the positive qualities that you would like your partner to possess. You also want to clearly explain the type of person you are when in a relationship. Are you romantic? Are you mushy and show your appreciation for your partner any chance you get? What are your good qualities?

Don’t lie about important things

Adding an inch or two to your height or saying that you have blue eyes when they are actually dark brown are fairly small lies that people may be able to get over easily should you meet anyone in person. It’s the big lies about important things that will cause problems. Working as a busser at an upscale restaurant does not mean you are a professional chef online, so be honest. If you and another person hit if off, they are eventually going to find out what you really do for a living.

Do share what makes you unique

Everyone has one or two qualities about them that makes them stand out from others on the dating scene. If it is not anything too weird or outrageous, you will want to add it to your profile. Again, don’t lie or exaggerate about anything. Just be who you are and someone will be accepting of that.

Don’t use another person’s pictures

“Catfishing” seems to be a thing nowadays, but some people are online really looking for love, so don’t use pictures that aren’t of you. Everyone has their flaws, but that doesn’t mean it is okay to make people believe that you are someone else. Even if you aren’t photogenic or don’t feel that you are the most attractive person around, stick to posting pictures of yourself.

Do choose pictures that show off your best assets

Maybe you have big green eyes or long, silky locks. Whatever your best asset is, don’t be afraid to flaunt it. However, you want to keep things PG and not flaunt certain assets too much. You want to get attention from people because of your personality, not simply because of how you look.

Don’t fill your profile with random facts about yourself

Yes, you want people to know what type of person you are, but you don’t want to fill your profile with random facts about yourself. You want to make sure everything makes sense and flows, so people won’t get lost and confused about what type of person who are or what message you are trying to convey.

Do check your spelling

Not everyone is a great speller, but everyone has spell check on their computer, so spelling errors just shouldn’t exist on your profile. If you aren’t sure how to spell something, take the time to look it up. Some people really do care if a person can spell, so be careful what you say and how you spell it.

Don’t be too trusting of the people who contact you

You never know what a person’s motive may be when they contact you online, which means you have to be careful who you speak to and what you say to them. If you don’t feel comfortable responding, then don’t. You wouldn’t talk to any random person walking down the street, so you have to be just as selective when dating online. Not everyone deserves your time and attention, especially if they want something different than you.

Do keep conversations light

People often make the mistake of getting too serious too quickly when they are dating online. It is understandable that you don’t want to waste your time and feel the need to ask the tough questions early on, but you are trying to find a life partner and certain subjects shouldn’t be discussed in the early stages if you don’t want to scare them off. You are getting to know each other, but limit how deep your conversations are until you know each other better. Keep things light, fun and easy. Save the heavy stuff for later.

Everyone is different, so just because you decide to put certain things on your profile doesn’t necessarily mean that no one will be interested in you. However, you do want to present yourself in a way that will increase your chances of being noticed and landing a date in person. This is something that you would do in person if you were out at the bar with friends, so it is really no different when dating online. Stay positive, adhere to the dos and don’ts and chances are you will get several people reaching out to you online.